Tajay Ashmeade: Winning on the Court of Life

BIO:

Tajay Ashmeade is a former Division 1, Olympic and professional basketball player. Tajay [TJ] overcame learning disabilities, gang life, a gunshot wound, and the loss of a college scholarship.  She rose above her circumstances by re-writing her story. TJ now works as a public speaker and life coach to help other athletes reach their full potential. TJ has two master’s degrees and is pursuing a Ph.D.

WHEN DID YOU FIRST RECOGNIZE THE POWER OF YOUR VOICE?

I immigrated here from Jamaica and was very young when we landed in New York, the Bronx to be precise. When I first got here, my mom was told that special education would be the right fit for me. I was bullied. I was called ‘stupid’ a lot, told I was never going to make it. I was in a mental space where I felt defeated, and that was very difficult for me. I couldn't go to my mom at the time for the simple fact that she already, in my eyes, gave me the greatest gift which was coming to America and formulating an identity and opportunities for myself. 

These things that bad people say to you, yes, they affect you, but you have to look past them. At that point in my life, it wasn't so easy. It was easier to find an outlet and that led to gang life and being shot. In gang life, and really being down on myself, I was losing myself. 

I found my voice because I was fortunate to be surrounded by people who see the real TJ, even when I did not see the real TJ. These people who see me, and I mean, like really see me, understand who I am.

I lost a full scholarship to Rutgers University because I stole cheeseburgers. Now, I can look back at it, and it's one of the funniest stories I share because it's like, ‘Girl! You stole cheeseburgers!! Why did you steal cheeseburgers??” And it was [Syracuse Head Coach and US Olympic Coach] Anne Donovan, who, when I spoke to her on the phone, looked past that. She said I had a bigger footprint that needed to be in the ground than that story. Those are the people who I've been fortunate to be surrounded by.

I'm grateful for every situation and every obstacle that was placed before me for the simple fact that they gave me a voice to be heard. If I ever lived by the excuses of what my life has put before me, I don't know where I would be or who I would be. I was never expected to be a voice, but TJ has a voice, and a very strong one, and a very potent one, and a very persistent one, and a very projecting one. 

When I talk, I'm not only speaking for myself. My voice is enriched with everybody who was in my shoes at that age and everybody who was trying to get to the level where I am. I'm speaking for every person who has ever faced an adversity or ever faced an obstacle and feels like they can’t get over that hurdle, that there's no way out. 

HOW DO YOU USE THE POWER OF YOUR VOICE?

My life is actually a game, and I want to win every single quarter.  I don't want to ever feel like I didn't leave it out on the court, the court being my life. I put in what is needed to make me successful and to be heard, because I don't want anyone to feel that they can't change the narrative of their life – ever! I don't ever want anyone to feel that. That brings so much fuel to me. It makes me emotional. It makes me passionate. 

I feel that deep self-talk is important. The words you feed yourself are just like the food you put in your body. They will leave a mark. So, when people were calling me ‘stupid’ when I was in special education, I was living by how they portrayed that word or how they projected that word onto me. I had to look into myself and say, ‘Girl! You are not what they say!’

I changed that narrative completely. To me, ‘stupid’ is - Strength. Toughness. Understanding. Persistence. Identity and Determination. I live by that. So, if somebody says, ‘I'm stupid,’ I'm like, ‘I'm stupid dope out here!’ I've changed the narrative of what a special education individual is supposed to look like from when I was growing up when a person in special education was looked at as a person who was going to be less than in society. And, here I am, a Black Jamaican woman who's about to get her Ph.D. I don't take those things lightly. 

I firmly preach to anyone that I work with, or anyone that I want to inspire, you can be your own kryptonite and your own superpower. It’s about how you feed yourself. If I come on the court, which is my life, and I say, ‘You are great, TJ! You got this. No one is going to take away your greatness!’ It feels different. You feel it differently. 

That's how I want to impact any athlete or any student or any person I'm around. If I'm in your presence, I want to make sure you feel good. Sometimes I feel like I can't articulate myself in a way that I necessarily want to because I have that street edge, but I'm always reminded by my circle, that my voice is meant to impact a certain group, a certain environment, a certain demographic of people. 

That's how I'm moving right now, speaking to the people who are me, because I know that as they're growing, they are our future. If my voice gets to them in a way that is impactful, it's going to spread like wildfire, and it's going to grow. That voice will translate to everybody beyond that demographic as well. 

WHAT ADVICE DO YOU HAVE FOR OTHER ATHLETES LOOKING TO USE THE POWER OF THEIR VOICES TO MAKE AN IMPACT?

The first thing I would say is your past does not dictate your future. You can always change your narrative. You are not what they say you are in the negative. You are stronger than what you believe you are and what they want you to believe you are. You are phenomenal. Be patient with yourself.

Move with intent, every single day. It doesn’t matter how small the things are that you do. They will become the bricks of your pyramid. Stay persistent and build a circle that is going to align with your energy. Find mentors, and fuel yourself with the positive things that you need to fill yourself, whether they’re small, positive affirmations every day, whether it’s giving gratitude, whether it’s just journaling and writing. Do those little things because they add to the building blocks which is your storyline to your pyramid. Don't listen to those outsiders who are shooting their own failures and own disappointments and projecting them onto you. Continue to move forward in your path and your story and your life. 

I had people like Anne Donovan and Patrick Ewing and Robin Roberts, legends of the game. They formulated in my head that the people who did not see me, were not meant to see me.  Those people were not meant to experience this brilliance, this energy, this passion, this persistence, this discipline, this dedication, this effort, this heart that I have. The people who see me now, those are the people who are supposed to experience who I am. That's what keeps me going. The individuals who I want to impact are the people who are not necessarily seen every single day, but they need to be seen by the right person. I always say, ‘It doesn't matter how many ‘noes’ you hear. It's the ‘yes’ from the right person in your life that's going to impact and amplify your voice.’

WHAT DOES ATHLETES’ VOICES MEAN TO YOU?

It gives athletes a voice to speak out on things that matter to us. It allows athletes to be heard in a way that they've never been heard before. Not just the person that you see on the field or on the court, but also the person that is genuinely just a person, that has a life, that has their own voice, that has their own struggles, difficulties, happiness, that has their own story. If I come outside, and just stand in front of you, and put on a smile, you will not necessarily see all the pain that I've gone through and all the struggle that I've gone through. It gives me a way to formulate and put out my story in a way that a lot of platforms don't necessarily give you. There’s no sugarcoating our stories, and I want my story to be authentic and genuine.

It's hard sometimes. This is a very vulnerable moment for me. But, I want you to feel that when you leave this interview, when you leave this court, you know TJ came and she laid it all on the table, and she didn't hide nothing. She was herself. She’s not going to hide her struggles because that's a part of my story. That gives me opportunity to have a testimony, and that's why I'm here. 

I move through the days giving gratitude and giving thanks to the Most High because of the simple fact that as long as I'm able to share my story, I'm able to impact somebody who has a similar story and help them move through it.